"I feel like we've been in the desert," Bjo and I said at the same time. I'm glad its summer time but I had forgotten how draining the heat can be.

Today I tried to kill a huge roach. When it crawled out from under the shoe I hit it with I knew it was time to call for back up. Luckily Megs was able to get Popo from the Shack.

Last night I talked with a woman that is Buddhist. She told me that people who believe in hell have something wrong with their brains (she studies brains). I politely informed her that I'm one of those people. I was surprised when she invited me to sit down with her to talk for a bit. It was freeing to know that it wasn't my job to change her heart. I just shared with her what I believe and how I feel. The rest is between her and God. I hope we meet again, in heaven.

I still have a project to do and a take home test to complete before the end of the semester. Too bad I've already mentally checked out...give me strength to keep going

2 out of the three times I've closed at work a homeless man has come in after we've closed. One of those times the door was actually locked (obviously it wasn't locked correctly. but i've learned my lesson there).

I'm trying to get my priorities right. I guess we'll see.

Come and listen to what He has done

Something in me has been broken. The Lord has brought me freedom and for the first time in about a month I feel like I am myself again.

I will NOT go back into the chains that have been loosed. I am free!!
Free to laugh
Free to have joy
Free from the LIES
Free from feeling worthless
Free from fear
Free from my sin
Free to be who Daddy has created me to be

Great is our God for he is good

The fight to keep this peace has been continual. Each morning I wake up fighting. This morning I had to force myself to get out of bed because my thoughts were starting to get the best of me. But praise Him for the victory we have in Jesus!!!

This doesn't mean that everything in my life is all of the sudden perfect or that pain has completly left me. No. But it does mean that my hope has been restored. My focus has been redirected and the peace of the Lord is here.

I desire to be like You. Like any son or daughter, I want to be like my father. I wanna be just like You.

Can we capture this all in a bottle?
Help me hold the wind in my hand.
Just for once stop the clock for a moment
When we're here and have nothing to lose,
But ourselves when it all crashes down.

Letting go of the past can be such a difficult thing to do. Its hard closing a chapter in your life even though you've started a new one. I don't want to be haunted by my past. I don''t want to cling to things that are gone. Help me to let go.

You'd think that I would be comfortable with instability by this point in my life. I'm not. I long for security. I'm learning to go to the right source for that sense of security.

Today a boy handed me a flower because he thought my work shirt said Express Yourself. We got to talking about school and stuff. When I asked him what he was interested in doing with his life he said he didn't know but he's really into worship. I really enjoy meeting fellow believers. He hoped the flower blessed me. I was more blessed by how the Body is united.

Meagan and I talked with an older woman who works at Sam's Club. She said she's from Isreal and that is why she loves Jesus (she had button with His pic on her stylish purple hat). We told her we are Jesus lovers too.

I'm craving a strawberry cupcake. Oooo or Hope's grandma's strawberry cake which is soooo yummy. Strawberry cake makes me think of being a little girl. I always requested it for my birthday cake.

Crap. I still need to file taxes. Yet again, I'm not ready to be an adult. Growing up is freaking scary.

why is it cold in April??

Easter came and went. That's one more holiday that I didn't spend with my blood family. That's become our new tradition I think. I'm so very thankful for my house church to make me apart of their family.

"Its new job week," according to Bjo. Its funny how she is going to be working for corporate and I'm switching to a local coffee shop. Today I will put in my two weeks notice. I've already written it out. When I asked about the dress code at the new job the man replied "Neat and casual. Whatever reflects your personality." That's nice. No more black pants and garnet shirt!!!

You replace my fears with love unconditional

I've had the love of my friends rallying around me recently. I'm glad to know that I'm not in this alone. The authentic relationships in my life right now are such blessings to me; more than any of them know.

I'm glad that Matt Jones is back. I'm even more glad that him and Erin make such an encouraging pair. I wish I had known a few years ago how incredibly awesome she is. I feel like I have missed time to catch up with her.

The urge to get my nose repierced is fading.

"...So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him." Luck 11:13

I am thankful for Your peace.

I've learned that I have a very strong quitter's instinct. Things get hard, I want to quit. It isn't working out how I want, I want to quit. I tried and failed, I want to quit. Whatever happened to try, try again?? I'm fighting and overcoming that urge in me to flee.

Spring break is almost up. I didn't get done nearly as much as I had wanted. However, I got some quality relax time in so that is good. I'm ready for this semester to be over. I'm trying not to be burned (or is it burnt?) out.

McKenna wants me to share with all of my friends at the Shack that when an animal hibernates it means it is really sleepy. What a bright kid. She still bites though.

I tried that running thing again this past week. Its still not for me.

I hate the feeling of being burdened. It is so overwhelming at times. But its good how it causes me to intercede. I'm sorry that I haven't been praying for you like I should be.

I desire unity.

i just want to be healed. completly. Fix me, Sweet Savior

let's sail away

My mind has been under attack a lot the past few days. I've been trying to fight with truth but sometimes confusion sets in so that i'm not completly sure what's true. But I will think about what is good. what is holy. what i know to be true. Battles of the mind can be so tricky sometimes but there is victory over the enemy!!

This morning I woke up craving pizza, good pizza. I ate a mug of Raisin Bran instead.

A boy in the 4th grade was afraid to stay after school with his teachers to get caught up on work. He said his mom "would expect sumtin." He wouldn't clarify what she would expect. My eyes filled with tears as the teachers talked about suspicion of beatings.

i hate how cruel this world can be.

let’s sail away like a photograph, fading to all white
it’s finally all right
forget all the mistakes my love
they won’t be made again
leave the photos in the drawer, my love
we no longer need them
we both know where we’ve been

And so it is

Well, I learned a few things today:
1. only about 90% of soar throats have strep
2. the pain pathway for the ear and the throat run the same way (my ear doesn't really hurt...its just confused because of my throat)
3. I have big tonsils (thats what the man gagging me with the swab told me)
4. antibiotics are pretty dang cheap (we are so blessed to be in this country)

Hope took me for soft-served vanilla ice cream. then we drove around for a bit...just because. I have a lot of love for that woman!

I'm trying to rebuild a relationship that has been hurt pretty badly. I can't do this on my own. I didn't even want to try to tell the truth. Its amazing how the Holy Spirit works. It really is Him in me that causes me to love. And I'm glad. I want to love. I want to forgive. I want to heal. I want restoration for this family.

I can't describe how blessed I am to have such amazing people to breath into my life. I'm glad to know that people will get up in my business if need be. I'm overwhelemed by the support I have. I love the Body and that love intensifies weekly.

Purity. In mind and action. I'm going to keep on striving for this. I am created for this (Kayla does mean 'pure one,' seriously...or so I'm told.)

i am a temple, my body is a temple.

I'm embarking on something new and unfamiliar to me. But it is good and the peace I have is abundant. And I'm not going alone...